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THE ART OF 
CONVERSATION 

TWELVE GOLDEN RULES 




BY 

JOSEPHINE TURCK BAKER 

AUTHOR OF 

CORRECT ENGLISH: A COMPLETE GRAMMAR 

TEN THOUSAND WORDS: HOW TO PRONOUNCE THEM 

AND EDITOR OF THE MAGAZINE 

CORRECT ENGLISH: HOW TO USE IT 



PUBLISHED BY 

CORRECT ENGLISH PUBLISHING COMPANY 

EVANSTON, ILLINOIS 



3^-^ ■ 



|liBRARY of CONGREas 
j Two Copies Heceivtsd 

I DEC 12 1907 

] Oopyri^rii tntry 
10LA§§j?,, XXc, l/j. 

aB6 






Copyright, 1907 

BY 

Josephine Turck Baker 



^ THE ART OF CONVERSATION 



TWELVE GOLDEN RULES 



GOLDEN RULE NUMBER I 

Avoid unncessary details. 

He. — Do yon know that what yon say always 
interests me! 

She. — That 4s becanse we are snch good com- 
rades. 

He. — Not altogether. I think that it is be- 
canse yon never dwell npon details. 

She. — Then, one is interesting in conversa- 
tion according as one omits details? 

He. — Unnecessary details. 

She. — I remember that, when visiting some 
friends whom I had not seen for several years, 
my hostess said to me, ^^Ever since yonr ar- 
rival, I have been trying to discover why yon 

5 



6 AKT OF CONVEESATION 

are so interesting in conversation, and I have 
decided that it is because you omit unnecessary 
details.'' I felt that my hostess had paid me a 
high compliment. 

He. — Yes; but one that you deserve. Now, 
even in telling this incident, you were direct. 
The bore would have * ^ side-tracked, " and 
would have told innumerable and irrelevant de- 
tails. I don't believe you could bore a person 
if you were to try. 

She. — I am quite sure that I could. Listen to 
this : ' ' Several years ago, — four years ago just, 
— this last June ; no, it was only three years ago, 
because I remember now that four years ago I 
did not attend the alumnae reimion of our col- 
lege, and so it must have been three years ago,— 
I was the guest of one of the members of my 
class, — I was attending the annual reunion of 
the alumnae of our college, — almost every year 
I attend the alumnae reunion of our college, — 
and on this occasion, I was the guest of one of 
the members of my class. She had not been at- 
tending the reunions, and so I had not seen her 
for several years, — five years at least, and 

He. — Pardon my intei^ruption, but you are a 
success. 

She.— As a bore? 



TWELVE GOLDEN RULES 7 

He. — No; as an imitator. I think that you 
should have been an actress. 

She. — Yes; I think that Nature intended me 
for one; and I could have ** acted.'' Indeed, I 
usually find it difficult not to act ; that is, I find 
it difficult to be myself. 

He. — Like *' Sensational Tommy" in *^ Tom- 
my and Grizel ' ' ? 

She. — Yes ; in a way. 

He. — And why were you not an actress ? Was 
it because you did not know that you had talent? 

She. — From an opposite reason. I had so 
many talents that, like the woman in *^ Mother 
Goose, ' ' I hardly knew what to do. 

He. — That sounds modest. You probably 
would have been a great actress. 

She. — I might not have been. Sometimes, you 
know, persons who are very gifted seem to miss 
the best that life has to offer. 

He. — I have decided that you are interesting, 
not because you do not *^ sidetrack, "but because 
you have such a stupendous amount of conceit. 
You seem to be fully aware of what you possess. 
It is delightful. 

She. — My talent or my conceit? 

He.— Both. 

She. — I am sure that if any one else possessed 



8 AET OF CONVEESATION 

my talents, I should not hesitate to speak of 
them. Why should I not speak of mine? 

He. — That is one way to look at it. Now, I 
suppose if I were to tell you that you were very 
gifted, you would say, * * Thank you ; I think that 
I am, too, ' ' — or words to that effect. 

She. — Yes; I think that I should respond in 
some such way. Why should I not? Why 
shouldn't I recognize my gifts and be thankful 
for them? 

He. — Well, usually, you know, when any one 
receives a compliment, he is apt to regard it as 
flattery, and to treat it accordingly; or, if he 
thinks the praise is merited, his words are apt 
to belie his thoughts. 

She. — Yes, but that brooks of insincerity. 
However, we are a long way from our subject. 
We were wondering why some persons **bore'' 
and why some do not. We decided that one must 
under no circumstances enter into too many 
details. 

He. — They are ruinous. If a person is very 
polite, he will feign an interest that he does not 
feel. Often, however, he betrays, by an absent 
expression, that the ** details'' have done their 
* * deadly work. ' ' You always seem interested, I 
notice, even when the narrator has wandered 



TWELVE GOLDEN KULES 9 

from the main road into innumerable by-paths. 

She. — I appear interested, because I am inter- 
ested, for I am continually on the alert to find 
out just how he is going to get back to the main 
road. I find, however, that in the majority of 
cases, he never gets back. He is lost in such a 
labyrinth that, as compared with it, the Garden 
of Versailles and the **maze" of Hampton 
Court are as naught; and just as these world- 
famed networks have a kind of attraction for 
the curious, so I find it interesting to follow the 
bore as he goes from one intricate passage into 
another in his endeavor to find an exit. But I 
must leave him to his fate, or I, too, shall be lost 
in a *^maze'' and shall not be able to find the 
main path. 

He. — Then, trolden Eule Number I is : Avoid 
Unnecessaky Details. I shall try to remember 
the rule, and profit by its significance. 



GOLDEN RULE NUMBER II 

Do not ash question number two until number 
one has been answered. 

He. — Since our last visit, I have been noticing 
the faults of my friends in conversation, and I 
have concluded that the most glaring fault one 
can have is to ask questions and then not wait 
for the answers. I have one friend in particular 
who, whenever he meets me asks in the most 
solicitous way about my family, my health, etc., 
and then before I have an opportunity to re- 
spond, he proceeds to tell me about himself, his 
family, his ills, and the like. 

She. — I know the species very well. In fact, 
I have classified my friends according to their 
respective merits as listeners. 

He. — And where have you placed me ? 

She. — At the head of the list. 

He. — As the greatest offender! 

She. — No ; as the least. You always wait until 
I answer one question before you ask another. 

10 



TWELVE GOLDEN EULES H 

He. — Thank you. Do I ask many questions? 

81ie. — Not too many. You may have noticed 
that there are as many persons who ask too few 
questions as there are who ask too many. 

He. — I must say that I had never thought of 
that. 

She. — To ask many questions often indicates 
an undue amount of curiosity on the part of the 
questioner; to ask too few, a lack of interest. 
The reason why some persons are so very 
prosaic and uninteresting is that they are en- 
tirely absorbed in themselves; in consequence, 
they ask few or no questions whatever, showing 
that they are not in the least concerned in what 
interests their friends. There is a happy mean 
where one sho,ws neither curiosity nor dis- 
interest. 

He. — In asking questions, we are apt to stir 
up a hornet's nest, so to speak, for our friends 
sometimes respond at such length that we are 
inclined to wish that we had shown less interest. 

She. — That is where it is so necessary to re- 
member the golden rule that we spoke of in our 
last conversation, namely, avoid unnecessary 

DETAILS. 

He. — Yes; and as I have already told you, 



12 ART OF CONVEESATION 

that is why you are always interesting; you 
never bore one with a * * long story. ' ' 

She. — I usually try to treat all my friends as 
carefully as if each one bore a tag marked, 
^ * This is my busy day ; make it shokt. ' ' 

He. — Yes ; or, **If you have any time to kill, 
KILL YOUE OWN. " At what a rapid pace we live, 
anyway. People in the country — the peasant 
class — are never in a hurry. They talk slowly, 
eat slowly, and work at the same laggard pace. 

She. — In other words, they exist, but do not 
live. They do not enjoy what we enjoy. A daily 
feast is spread before them, but they do not par- 
take of it. What do they know of glowing sun- 
sets and of moonlit waves; of shaded walks 
through pathless woods ; of narrow streams in- 
walled with trees ? The sunset tells the peasant 
only of what the weather will bring to his crops ; 
the stretch of velvet through which the streamlet 
winds, of green pastures for his flocks. But I 
have gotten away from my subject. In other 
words, like the bore, I have * * side-tracked. * ' 

He. — Only what you say does not bore. 

She. — ^You mean, not you. 

He. — Nor any one else. 

She. — Thank you. 

He. — I should thank you, instead. Now, I am to 



TWELVE GOLDEN BtJLES 13 

remember, first, that Golden Eule Number I is. : 
Avoid unnecessary details. Eule Number II. : Do 

NOT ASK QUESTION NUMBER TWO UNTIL QUESTION 

NUMBER ONE HAS BEEN ANSWERED; and, further- 
more, one must be neither too curious nor too 
disinterested ; that is, one must not ask too few 
nor too many questions; just enough. I fear 
that I shall find it difficult to observe this rule, 
but I shall try to acquire the tact that is neces- 
sary for one to have. May I practice the art 
when with you? 

She. — That will be charming, and you may 
begin at once. 



GOLDEN RULE NUMBER III 

Do not interrupt another while he is speaking. 

He. — So we agree that the greatest fault that 
a person can have is to ask questions, and then, 
without waiting for the answers, to plunge at 
once into a detailed account of his own doings. 
I have discovered another fault, and one, I fear, 
that I, too, possess ; that is, to ask questions con- 
cerning the welfare of my friend and of his fam- 
ily, and then after he has gotten fairly under 
way in the recital of his woes, to interrupt him 
with irrelevant remarks. 

She. — I am sure that you haven't this fault, 
although it is very common. It is based upon 
the principle that people, as a rule, are vitally 
concerned only in what concerns themselves. I 
have a friend who maintains that no one really 
enjoys listening to what another has to say. He 
says that the interested ( I) listener is interested 
only in having the other person finish in order 
that he may have the opportunity to tell his 
story. 

14 



TWELVE GOLDEN RULES 15 

He. — I note, however, that, as a rule, people 
recite their woes, and not their ^^ weals." But, 
of course, that depends upon the individual. 
Some persons always have a ^'hard luck story;" 
others, dwell upon the bright happenings in 
their lives. 

She. — I think we each can recall some friend 
whose greatest pleasure is to pose as a martyr ; 
another, who, no matter what are his ills, has 
always something of interest to impart pertain- 
ing to some good fortune, fancied or otherwise, 
which has befallen him. 

He. — Speaking of our faults, I think that the 
best way to correct them is to notice them in 
our friends, and then to try to avoid them. But, 
of course, you haven't any. 

She.— Any friends'? 

He. — Any faults, of course. 

She. — I fear that you are not a good critic. 

He. — I may not be; but you certainly have 
none of the bad habits that we have enumerated. 

She. — Oh! you couldn't see them if I had. 

He. — From sheer stupidity? 

She. — Hardly ; only as far as I am concerned, 
you have become accustomed to think of me as 
did Dick of Maisie, in ^^The Light that Failed" 
that ' * The Queen can do no wrong. ' ' 



16 ART OF CONVEESATION 

He. — That reminds me — I have just finished 
reading * * The Light that Failed, ' ' and I am sure 
that I shall never get away from the awfulness 
of it — the awfulness of having the light go out 
forever. 

She. — Kipling makes one see it all so vividly, 
where he says : 

** 'I shan't.' The voice rose in a wail, *My 
God! I'm blind, and the darkness will never go 
away. ' He made as if to leap from the bed, but 
Torpenhow's arms were around him, and Tor- 
penhow's chin was on his shoulder, and his 
breath was squeezed out of him. He could only 
gasp, * Blind!'" 

He. — And again, the picture that Kipling 
draws of the blind man who suddenly finds him- 
self unable to do that which he has been ac- 
customed to do. I have the book with me : 

** A wise man (who is blind) will keep his eyes 
on the floor and sit still. For amusement he may 
pick coal, lump by lump, out of a light scuttle, 
with the tongs, and pile it in a little heap by the 
fender, keeping count of the lumps, which must 
all be put back again, one by one, and very care- 
fully. He may set himself sums if he cares to 
work them out ; he may talk to himself, or to the 
cat if she chooses to visit him ; and if his trade 



TWBLVE GOLDEN RULES 17 

has been that of an artist he may sketch in the 
air with his forefinger : but that is too much like 
drawing a pig with his eyes shut. He may go 
to his bookshelves and count his books, ranging 
them in order of their size ; or to his wardrobe 
and count out his shirts, laying them in piles of 
two or three on the bed, as they suffer from 
frayed cuffs or lost buttons. Even this enter- 
tainment wearies after a time ; and all the times 
are very, very long." 

I suppose that this portrayal is true to life. 

She. — Undoubtedly, in a way; but I had a 
novel experience when traveling East this sum- 
mer. While on the train, I saw a gentleman, 
who was trying to interest a little boy, who did 
not respond to his advances. I heard him ask 
the child whether he was a little boy, and how 
old he was. I saw then that the gentleman was 
blind, and thinking that he might prefer to talk 
with me, I introduced myself to him and found 
him a most delightful conversationalist. He told 
me that he had become blind very suddenly five 
years ago, but that his work had not been inter- 
rupted for a day since. His position as man- 
ager of a large corporation necessitated his fre- 
quent journeying in railroad trains, but he had 
continued to travel as before, sometimes with 



18 AKT OP CONVERSATION 

his secretary, and sometimes alone. He was 
alone when I met him. He was certainly delight- 
fully cheerful and entertaining; and withal, he 
was fully informed on current topics of interest. 
It seemed almost impossible to realize that he 
was blind. 

He. — His case is extraordinary; but, of 
course, he was not an artist, as was poor Dick, 
before the ' * light went out. ' ' 

I have just discovered another reason why 
you are so very interesting. It is because you 
always have some novel experience to recount. '■ 

She. — Yes; but you kftow, we decided that 
people did not care, as a rule, to hear others 
talk. 

He. — Well, I shall retract my decision. I have 
concluded that we usually like to hear others 
talk, if they have something interesting to tell. 

She. — Yes; we are all children, in a sense. 
Tell us a story, and we will listen, provided the 
story-teller knows how to tell it. 

He. — Do you know what I have been thinking 
of while you were telling me this incident ? 

She. — That we had gotten a long way from 
our original subject! 

He. — No; I was thinking of how much you 
had said in comparatively few words, and that 



TWELVE GOLDEN EULES 19 

in telling this incident, you had certainly con- 
formed to Golden Rule Number I.: Avoid un- 

NECESSAKY DETAILS. 

She. — And you have conformed to both the 
rules that we have learned. 

He. — Thank you. Let me see, Golden Eule 
Number I. is: *^ Avoid unnecessaky details.'' 
Rule Number II.: **Not to ask question num- 
ber TWO UNTIL question NUMBER ONE HAS BEEN 

answered, nor be too curious nor too disinter- 
e'sted;" that is, ^^do not ask too few nor too 
many questions ; just enough. ' ' 

She. — And our new rule. Golden Rule Number 
III. : Do not interrupt another while he is 
speaking. 

He. — How frequently this rule is broken! 
Many persons, who ordinarily are well bred, 
have the very bad habit of interrupting others. 
But I deserve no credit for observing Golden 
Rule Number III., for you are never tiresome; 
you never tell a long story. 

She. — No; I don't do that. I knew a gentle- 
man once who used to say with a groan, to his 
niece, who was rather verbose, * * Alma ! You 
tell such a long story. Make it short ; ' ' and so I 
always try to maJce my story short. 



GOLDEN RULE NUMBER IV 

Bo not contradict another^ especially when the 

subject under discussion is of trivial 

importance. 

He. — We always seem to drift back to our 
favorite topic, * ^ How not to bore. * ' At least, we 
discuss it so frequently, that I assume we are 
mutually interested. 

She. — I assure you that I am very much inter- 
ested in everything that assists me in making 
myself more pleasing to my friends. 

He. — If you would not regard my compli- 
ments so dubiously, I should say that that would 
be impossible. 

She. — Another case of the infallibility of the 
queen? But to go back to our subject, I often 
wonder whether this pleasure that we take in 
receiving the approval of others, is not virtually 
the root of all good. It is certainly most fortu- 
nate that we do care for the good opinion of our 
fellow-beings, and especially where we strive to 
merit it. 

20 



TWELVE GOLDEN EULES 21 

Somehow, we never seem to outgrow our 
childish love for rewards. I suppose that if the 
truth were told, much that we think we do 
for the sake of culture, is really done for the 
sake of Dame Grundy. Of course, I do not mean 
as applied to vain self-glorification, but rather 
to our higher aims and purposes. Most of us, 
for example, think that we make great efforts 
along the lines of self -improvement for the soul- 
satisfaction that our efforts may give us ; but I 
wonder how steadfastly one would work — each 
at his chosen calling — if one were on a desert 
island, remote from ^^all the haunts of men.'' 
But to return to our subject, you say that your 
latest discovery is that even grown persons con- 
tradict one another. I thought that only chil- 
dren had this fault. 

He. — So did I ; but my attention was called to 
this a few days since when visiting my sister. 
While she was telling me something of great 
interest to us both, her little daughter contra- 
dicted her several times in the course of our con- 
versation. Partly because I was annoyed, and 
partly because I wished to teach the child a les- 
son, I said to my sister, * * Have you ever noticed 
how frequently children contradict their elders ? 
It is certainly one of the greatest faults that a 



S2 ART OF CONVEESATION 

child can have." ^^Yes," she answered, *^but 
many grown persons have the same f anlt. ' ' And 
when I expressed surprise, she added, *'If you 
are inclined to doubt the truth of this assertion, 
just try to tell something in the hearing of 
others who are familiar with the story, and you 
will soon discern that the fault is not confined to 
children. ' ' And then I discovered this fault not 
only in others, but also in myself. 

She. — Oh, dear ! maybe I, too, am guilty of the 
same oifence. 

He. — I am sure that you never contradict any 
one in the way that I mean. It is certainly very 
embarrassing to make a statement, and then to 
have it contradicted, even though the matter is 
of little consequence. 

She. — How many rules have we learned so 
far? 

He. — Golden Eule Number I. is: *^ Avoid un- 

NECESSAEY DETAILS. ' ' Eulo NumbCT II. : * * Do NOT 
ASK QUESTION NUMBEE TWO UNTIL NUMBEE ONE 
HAS BEEN ANSWEEED'^ ; DO NOT BE TOO CUEIOUS NOE 

TOO DisiNTEEESTED ; that is, do uot ask too many 
questions nor too few ; just enough. Eule Num- 
ber III. ; Do NOT INTEEEUPT ANOTHEE WHILE HE 
IS SPEAKING. 

She. — And our new rule, Golden Eule Number 



TWELVE GOLDEN EULES 23 

IV.: Do NOT CONTRADICT ANOTHER, ESPECIALLY 
WHEN THE SUBJECT UNDER DISCUSSION IS ONE OF 
TRIVIAL IMPORTANCE. 

He. — So, if Mrs. Van Stretcher tells us that 
Mrs. De Waters has crossed the ocean a dozen 
times in as many years, we are not to say, * * Par- 
don us, only six, as she goes abroad only once in 
two years, which makes just — Oh, yes! just 
twelve times." 

She. — Yes, the person who contradicts, fre- 
quently restates the matter merely in another 
way. 



GOLDEN RULE NUMBER V 

Do not do all the talking; give your tired 
listener a chance. 

He. — You haven't asked me about my golden 
discovery. 

She. — Oh, dear! is there still another rule to 
learn? You know, we have already had four. 

He. — No ; this isn't a rule. I have about come 
to the conclusion that people are charming in 
proportion as they can rise above the common- 
place. Of course they must observe all our gol- 
den rules, but this observance alone will not 
make them interesting in conversation. Last 
night, for example, I never was so greatly bored 
as when talking with a young lady to whom I 
had been recently introduced. She was so well 
bred that she observed all the golden rules from 
A to Z, and yet she was tiresome beyond en- 
durance, simply because she hadn't a soul. She 
was a Philistine of the deepest dye. I must say 

24 



TWELVE GOLDEN EULES 25 

that I am so conventional, in a way, that I 
eschew Bohemianism, but an out-and-out Phi- 
listine, — give me a Bohemian every time. 

She. — Then, I suppose that Golden Eule Num- 
ber V. would be : ** Acquike a soul, — and assume 

ONE IF YOU HAVE IT NOT. ' ' 

He. — I suppose it is innate — one's soul, which 
to me stands for one's love of the beautiful — for 
the ideal. You see, whatever you speak about, 
you lift out of the commonplace. Life seems 
quite *^ worth the while," when I am with you. 
All the inspiring things — books, music, paint- 
ing — take on a new meaning when we talk about 
them. Last evening my newly-made acquaint- 
ance and I discussed these subjects, but they did 
not interest me. Julia Marlowe, whom she had 
just seen, was merely a pretty woman who 
dressed perfectly; the latest book was some- 
thing that bored, but that had to be read because 
everybody else was reading it. Music was an 
unknown quantity. "What shall we do with Phi- 
listines like this 1 

She. — Leave them to their idols. They will 
not be alone, for there are many to keep them 
company. The trouble with many persons is 
that they do not cultivate an admiration for the 
beautiful — beautiful pictures, exquisite music, 



26 AKT OF CONVERSATION 

delightful books. They live in a world of ma- 
terialism. Handsome houses, exquisite paint- 
ings, well-filled libraries are to them mere pos- 
sessions — valuable because they are the em- 
bodied insignia of wealth. The person of high 
ideals delights in the beautiful, because it brings 
him into harmony with that perfection for which 
he strives. In a beautiful painting, he sees the 
reaching out of the artist to produce not what is, 
but what should be ; in a great literary produc- 
tion, the master intellect that can mold words as 
wax in the hands of an artisan ; in beautiful 
music, the soul of the composer who can make 
one feel all that he has felt when under the 
magic sway of harmony; and, so, beautiful 
things are loved, not alone for themselves, but 
for what they represent; for nothing beautiful 
has ever existed without its master creator — the 
power behind the throne — where the monarch 
beauty is at the beck and call of that giant — 
intellect. 

He. — Then, if we are to belong to the class 
who love the beautiful or what it represents, we 
are to cultivate our souls — that part of us which 
brings us en rapport with the divine in the uni- 
verse. We are not to be sordid; we must not 
wish simply to possess — we, must cultivate a 



TWELVE GOLDEN RULES 21 

love for the ideal — for what the beautiful rep- 
resents. 

She. — Yes ; and this can be done. In our mod- 
ern schools, the best in literature, in art, in 
music, is brought to the children. The child of 
to-day learns of Mozart, of Handel, of Wagner, 
and hears their music. He sees representations 
of great masterpieces of art, and learns to love 
the beautiful Madonnas of Raphael — to know 
the paintings of Rosa Bonheur — of Jean Fran- 
cois Millet. This education can not fail to instill 
in children a love for the beautiful. To them the 
world takes on a roseate tinge, while their minds 
eventually become store-houses in which are 
garnered the treasured thoughts of the ages. 
Nothing in every-day life can be wholly common- 
place; each peculiar incident in life, each 
peculiar mood of nature brings its accompany- 
ing suggestion. 

He. — Do you know, you are saying what I 
should like to say, but what I cannot find words 
to express. Possibly, that is one reason why I 
enjoy your society more than that of all others 
— because you say the things that I would say, if 
I could but express my thoughts. It is for this 
reason that we admire an author, because he 
puts into words what we think ; what we feel. 



38 ART OF CONVERSATION 

She. — I think we should add Golden Rule 
Number V. to our list, namely, Do not do all 

THE TALKING ; GIVE YOUR TIRED LISTENER AN OPPOR- 
TUNITY TO SPEAK. 

He. — I am sure that I would rather listen than 
talk when you are with me. 

She. — I am half inclined to believe you, for 
you are certainly perfect — as a listener. 



GOLDEN RULE NUMBER VI 

Be not continually the hero of your oivn story; 

and, on the other hand, do not leave 

your story without a hero. 

He. — * * Ships that pass in the night, and speak 
each other in passing, 
Only a signal shown and a distant voice in the 

darkness ; 
So on the ocean of life, we pass and speak one 

another, 
Only a look and a voice, then darkness again and 
a silence. ' ' 
She. — And what recalled the poem? 
He. — I was thinking of the people whom we 
meet, and who ** speak ns in the passing." 
People whom we may never meet again, but 
whom we never can forget. 

She. — That intangible something which makes 
ns wish to become more closely associated with 
our newly-made acquaintance, — what is it! It 
is indefinable. We meet some one at the theater, 

29 



30 AET OF CONVEESATION 

at the club, at the social function, and there 
lingers with us for many days, the remembrance 
of the few brief moments in which we felt that 
we were as ' ^ twin spirits moving musically to a 
lute's well ordered law.'' Strange as it may 
seem, we live in a world of people, — people to 
the right of us, people to the left of us, every- 
where about us, and only here and there a kin- 
dred spirit in whose moral and mental atmos- 
phere we bask as in the rays of sunshine. This 
something that makes us feel that only the ele- 
ment of time is needed to make of our newly- 
formed acquaintance a friend that shall last 
through life, — what is it! A warm hand clasp, 
a friendly word, and in one brief moment that 
mysterious something that clouds the soul, is 
thrown aside, and in our sky a new star appears 
as fixed as Polaris in the heavens. 

When we have an experience of this kind, 
although we may have interchanged but few 
words with our new friend, we feel intuitively 
that we could spend many hours together and 
that we should never tire of exchanging ideas. 

He. — Yes; but does this not presuppose a 
mind stored with those ^'treasured thoughts" 
about which we were speaking in our last con- 
versation? 



TWELVE GOLDUN EULES 31 

She. — Possibly, in a sense; but first of all, it 
presupposes harmony of taste, of feeling, of 
ideas. This does not mean, of course, that each 
shall agree with the other in all essentials, but 
that each shall have the same broad and intelli- 
gent way of looking at a subject, and a consid- 
eration each for the other's opinions. 

He. — I think, though, that as a basis for har- 
monious intercourse, there must be an elimina- 
tion of self. No one who is thoroughly selfish 
can interest any one but himself. It seems to me 
that the ideal relation between friends presup- 
poses an entire elimination of self. 

She. — Not necessarily so. One of the most 
tiresome persons that I know, is a gentleman 
who never refers to himself, to his aspirations, 
or to his plans ; and for this reason, he fails en- 
tirely to awaken in his listener any interest in 
his personality whatsoever. He is the antipode 
of the person who talks only of what interests 
him. The person who uses discretion will not 
avoid all reference to himself, nor will he con- 
tinually make himself the hero of his own story. 
It behooves us all to examine ourselves, and if 
we have either one of these faults to rid our- 
selves of it at once. In directing the trend of 
conversation, the tactful person will choose top- 



32 AST OF CONVEESATION 

ics of mutual interest. People are interesting 
not in proportion as they recount their personal 
experiences, but as they evince a broad, general 
interest in what concerns others. 

He. — We might add another golden rule to 
our list, — Golden Eule Number VI : Be not con- 
tinually THE hero of YOUE OWN STORY, NOR ON 
THE OTHER HAND, DO NOT LEAVE YOUR STORY WITH- 
OUT A HERO. In other words, it is fatal to one's 
success as a conversationalist either to eliminate 
oneself entirely or to appear self-centered. 

She. — You might say to he self -centered. Sel- 
fishness is one of the most disagreeable traits 
that a person can have, and he who has this to a 
marked degree should try to eradicate it. Some 
one has said, **If we had to count our ills, we 
would not choose suspense," we might add, **If 
we had to choose our faults we should not choose 
selfishness. '* A person may observe all the gol- 
den rules that we have enumerated, but if he is 
at heart a selfish person, his conversation will 
lack the charm that emanates from the whole- 
souled individual whose first thought is to inter- 
est and entertain others. Let us cultivate an un- 
selfish spirit, for without this, our words will be 
but as ** sounding brass and tinkling cymbals.'' 



GOLDEN RULE NUMBER VII 

Choose subject of mutual interest. 

He. — And here we are again at one of your 
charming ^'at homes," and I, as usual, am the 
only guest. 

It is delightful of you to select for my visits 
those evenings where there is no possibility of 
our being interrupted while discussing our 
favorite topic. 

She. — If I were **not at home" on these oc- 
casions, we should have very little opportunity 
to talk about the subjects in which we are mu- 
tually interested. It is decidedly paradoxical, 
is it not, to be at home under the circumstances 1 

He. — It is, to say the least, decidedly pleas- 
ant; for, otherwise, how should you be able to 
teach me that delightful art — the Art of Con- 
versation! I am just selfish enough to exult in 
my being the only diplomat at your ^ ' salons. ' ' 

She. — Wliat is that line about conversation's 
being like an orchestra where all the instruments 



34 AET OF CONVEESATION 

should bear a part, but where none should play 
together? 

He. — To my thinking, conversation is most 
delightful when it is most unlike an orchestra. 
For my part, I prefer those charming duos 
where the sweet voice of the soprano rises ^ * far 
above the organ's swell.'' 

She. — Conversation is more often like an 
orchestra where all the instruments play to- 
gether, and where no particular one can be 
heard. I see that a conversation in which many 
take part is not to your liking. 

He. — As in music, so with my friends, I prefer 
to follow the individual; to come into harmony 
with his thoughts and feelings. The trite saying 
that corporations have no souls can be applied 
with equal propriety to a body of individuals at 
a social function, where the bored look on their 
faces shows that they have failed to find a sub- 
ject of general interest, and are in consequence 
suffering in durance vile. 

She. — Conversation is enjoyable only when 
the participants are equally interested in the 
subject under discussion ; and while it is not dif- 
ficult for two persons to find topics of mutual in- 
terest, it is not so easy for several individuals 
to **hit upon" some topic in which all are equal- 



TWELVE GOLDEN EULES 35 

ly interested; consequently, there is much 
greater opportunity for enjojTiient in social con- 
verse where only two are *' gathered together." 

He. — Yes, I know ; no matter how apparently 
dry a subject is to me, it might be of keen inter- 
est to some one else. 

She. — Certainly. Only a few evenings since, 
I noticed, at a social function, a lady and gentle- 
man deeply engaged for a long time, in the dis- 
cussion of some topic in which each was appar- 
ently vitally interested. I learned afterwards 
that the gentleman was the editor-in-chief of a 
new dictionary recently compiled, and that the 
lady was the teacher of English in a college. 
They were discussing the relative merits of the 
diacritical markings of the Century, Standard, 
and International dictionaries compared with 
those of ^ * old Webster. ' ' 

He. — I should call that an extremely dry 
subject. 

She. — Oh! they found it fascinating. They 
really became excited — not impolitely so — but 
deeply absorbed in following each other through 
the maze of half circles and dots, straight lines 
and curved. 

He. — That is why people whom we meet — 
polite and kindly people — try ^ ' to draw us out, ' ' 



36 ART OF CONVEESATION 

to find what we are interested in, so as not to 
hinge the conversation on politics when it should 
be on potatoes or on poetry. 

She. — The whole secret of pleasant social con- 
verse lies in the participants' finding subjects of 
mutual interest. Why, I have heard two per- 
sons discuss by the hour the feasibility of rais- 
ing ducks as a means of livelihood ; others, that 
of manufacturing a washing-machine that would 
wash and boil clothing at the same time. So 
you see, it doesn't matter whether the topic is 
politics or poetry ; the latest work in science or 
in fiction; whether it is music or painting; the 
main point is that the subject shall be of mutual 
interest to those discussing it. 

He. — Then we may add another rule to our 
list — Golden Eule Number VII.: Choose sub- 
jects OF MUTUAL INTEKEST. Dou't disCUSS poli- 
tics when you should be talking about poetry; 
fact, instead of fiction ; science, instead of sun- 
sets. 

She. — Yes ; and be sure that both are equally 
interested or else one or the other will have that 
bored look to which you referred a short time 
since. 

He. — People sometimes appear interested 
when they are not. 



TWELVE GOLDEN RULES 37 

She. — Yes; but the keen observer will detect 
whether the smile extends farther than the 
parted lips. If people would be genuine, and 
less artificial, after a pleasant evening spent in 
social converse, there would linger with one a 
memory as pleasing and as refreshing as is the 
sweet fragrance wafted from country clover 
fields to the traveler on the dusty road. In our 
social intercourse with one another let us omit 
all unpleasant topics, and choose only those in 
which both are equally interested. 



GOLDEN RULE NUMBER VIII 

Be a good listener. 

He.— And here we are again in your bower 
— your bower of roses and carnations. It is 
always summer here, for there are always flow- 
ers. You wear them, too, as another would 
wear her jewels. 

* ^ She went by dale, and she went by down. 
With a single rose in her hair. '* 

She. — This is as I like my flowers — around 
me and about me. Conservatories have no 
charm for me, for one cannot live in a conserva- 
tory. I like my roses, where, as I sit and write, 
I can inhale their fragrance, and see their 
wondrous beauty. What is more beautiful than 
a rose? 

He.— Wouldn't ^^The Woman with the Eose'' 
make a nice title for a poem? 

She. — You are really lacking in originality. 
You never would have thought of it in the world 

38 




THE WOMAN WITH THE ROSE 



TWELVE GOLDEN EULES 39 

if "The Man with the Hoe" had not sug- 
gested it. 

He. — Oh! I agree with you that I am not 
original, and that the title was suggested; but 
not, as you think, by **The Man with the Hoe." 

She. — Aren't we wasting valuable time? You 
know we were going to discuss Golden Eule 
Number VIII., and we haven't even decided 
what it shall be. 

He. — Be a good listener! Wasn't it Addison 
who said that the most skillful flattery was to 
let a person talk on, and be a good listener f But 
somehow, this has such a ring of insincerity. 
Now, I am sure that I should not wish to be 
beguiled into thinking that I was entertaining 
my friend when, in reality, I was boring him. 

She. — Yes ; but a person who observes all our 
golden rules will not "talk on." You know, 
there are few persons who can "talk on," and 
not bore their listeners. Of course, if people 
were tactful and would observe Golden Eule 
Number VII. — Choose topics in which all ake 
INTERESTED — it would uot be necessary for the 
listener to "feign an interest if he has it not." 

He. — But what are we going to do when we 
are in the society of those who do not observe 
this rule? 



40 AKT OF CONVEESATION 

She. — Sometimes, we can enjoy the conver- 
sation of others for reasons opposite to what 
might be expected. For example, a few days 
since, I was one of several guests at a luncheon, 
and I was very much amused in noting how sub- 
jects, which in themselves seemed very prosaic, 
could elicit so much enthusiasm in their discus- 
sion. For example, the guests discussed the 
making of salads, and much enthusiasm was ex- 
pended over a mixture of fruit, nuts, and olive 
oil. The subject was certainly highly relevant, 
as the very kind of salad in question was in evi- 
dence, calling forth enthusiastic encomiums 
from all. 

He. — I suppose you are often amused at the 
amount of interest shown in trivial subjects. 

She. — No; I, too, at times, like to relax, and 
to talk about subjects that would seem frivolous 
to many. While much of my time and close at- 
tention must necessarily be given to study, for 
this reason, when there is any diverting in- 
fluence, I prefer, occasionally, to forget every- 
thing of a serious nature ; and, like the bee that 
goes from flower to flower to sip of each its 
sweetness, so I enjoy passing from one subject 
to another, discussing only lightly, each in turn. 
So you see whether it is salads or pates ; Mrs. 



TWELVE GOLDEN RULES 41 

Campbell or Paderewski; shirred gowns or 
pleated, these subjects at times may prove inter- 
esting and diverting. 

He. — But when a person is deeply interested 
in some special study that counts j I can not see 
how he can find much satisfaction in the discus- 
sion of topics so very foreign to his specialty. 

She. — As I have just implied, the specialist 
finds it necessary to relax. I have in mind a 
noted physician who spends many of his wak- 
ing hours, and hours when he should be sleep- 
ing, either in his laboratory or with his patients ; 
but immediately when he enters his drawing- 
room to greet a friend, he forgets his work ut- 
terly, for the time being, and before many min- 
utes have passed, his listener is convulsed with 
laughter over some new story — the latest acqui- 
sition to the Doctor's stock. 

He. — Do you know, I often wonder why peo- 
ple do not cultivate the art of story-telling. It 
seems to me that if one would entertain one's 
friends now and then with a good story, it would 
enliven what would otherwise be a very dull 
occasion. 

She. — Story-tellers — good story-tellers — are 
probably born, not made; and yet, the person 
who is not especially gifted in this art, may sue- 



42 ART OF CONVERSATION 

ceed in entertaining his listeners, provided that 
he has wit enough to remember the '* point," 
and to couch his language so that the denoue- 
ment is not surmised, for surprise is an im- 
portant element in the telling of a story. 

He. — Occasionally, I hear a good story, and 
one that I wish to remember, but I can never 
trust myself to repeat it for fear that I shall 
commit the flagrant sin of missing the * ^ point " ; 
and that omission would, of course, be unpar- 
donable. 

She. — I think you might become a very suc- 
cessful reconteur, if you would give some atten- 
tion to the art in question^a Of course, the im- 
portant thing to remember is, what are the es- 
sentials, to omit all unnecessary details, to keep 
the listener in suspense and, above all, not to 
omit the point. We can not all be Charles Lambs 
nor Sydney Smiths, but we can each have our 
little store of * * f unnycisms ' ' from which to 
draw when the occasion is opportune, or the 
story relevant. 

He. — Well, I suppose we must decide that one 
must be a good listener at all hazards, and that 
one must find something of interest in the con- 
versation of others even though the subject may 
be ^^ salads'' when it should be ^* suffrage," for 



TWELVE GOLDEN EULES 43 

example. Shall we make ^^Be a good listener 
AT ALL HAZARDS ' ' Golden Eule Number VIII. 1 

She. — Yes, I suppose so; but if we could all 
remember and practice our other golden rules, 
we should not need to add this one to the list. 

He. — Let me see whether I can enumerate 
them. 

Golden Rule Number 1. — Avoid unnecessary 
details. 

2. — Do not ask question number two until 
number one has been answered, nor be too 
curious nor too disinterested; that is, do not 
ask too many questions nor too few. 

3. — Do not interrupt another while he is 
speaking. 

4. — Do not contradict another, especially 
ivhen the subject under discussion is of trivial 
importance. 

5. — Do not do all the talking; give your tired 
listener a chance. 

6. — Be not continually the hero of your own 
story; and on the other hand, do not leave your 
story without a hero. 

7. — Choose subjects of mutual interest. 

And our latest acquisition, Golden Eule Num- 
ber VIII., Be a good listener. 



44 ART OF CONVEESATION 

She. — You have done remarkably well to re- 
member all these rules. 

He. — Haven't I earned a reward? 
She.— What shall it be? 
He. — The rose in your hair. 




How radiantly dost thou wear thy jewels 
Upon thy bosom fair, --made fairer still 
By Luna's silvery beams. 



GOLDEN RULE NUMBER IX 

Make your speech in harmony with your sur- 
roundings. 

He. — Let us walk along the shore — away from 
our friends at the hotel. The night is far too 
beautiful to spend in discussing the merits of 
biscuit and honey compared with those of straw- 
berries and cake. 

She — And with such a sky and such a scene 
before them ! And the day — how perfect it has 
been! 

* * * * ^^The blue sky 
Leaned silently above, and all its high 
And azure-circled roof beneath the wave, 
Was imaged back and seemed the deep to pave 
With its transparent beauty." 

He. — Oh! they're not thinking of the sea nor 
of the sky. Although when I saw one of the 
ladies gazing intently at the moon, I thought 
that she, like you and me, had succumbed to the 
influence of its magic beams ; but I very soon be- 

45 



46 AKT OF CONVERSATION 

came disillusioned, for I heard her suddenly 
exclaim, * ^ Oh, I wish I had some Welsh rarebit ! 
I am so very fond of Welsh rarebit. ' ' 

She. — Her thoughts were evidently relevant, 
as the moon probably suggested to her, green 
cheese, and from that, it was only a step to the 
toasted article. I dislike to hear a person ex- 
press a fondness for food. I know that it is cor- 
rect to use * * fond ' ' in this way ; but to me * ' fond- 
ness'' should be used only with reference to 
one's friends; but to be fond of ^^ Welsh rare- 
bit"! I should prefer to use another expression. 

He. — Of course you aren't fond of anything 
but flowers, and books, and music, — Oh ! and the 
moon. 

She. — And people ; they come first. 

He. — Everybody! 

She. — Not everybody, only a few. 

He. — Including 

She. — I think that we should go back to our 
friends. 

He. — And discuss ^^ Welsh rarebit"! Let us 
take this boat and glide over the * * silvery lake. ' ' 
We can find more interesting subjects to talk 
about than edibles ; and, if we cannot, we can at 
least be silent and let the glorious night speak 
for us. 



TWELVE GOLDEN RULES 47 

She. — Because of just such nights, I come 
here every year. 

He. — But the nioon, like the sun, shines every- 
where for all. 

She. — Yes, but not everywhere alike. There 
must be trees with branches outspread to catch 
its silvery beams, and giant hills in the distance 
to form a heavy background. The full moon 
shining on our great Lake Michigan is a glor- 
ious sight, but that which is needed to make the 
scene perfect is not there. But here — nothing is 
wanting. 

beauteous Lake ! 
How radiantly dost thou wear thy jewels 
Upon thy bosom fair, — made fairer still 

By Luna's silvery beams. 

He. — The poet is nature's interpreter. He 
expresses what we feel; what we should wish 
to say, were we able to express our thoughts in 
poetic language. But sometimes he does not 
interpret truly. Wasn't it Browning who said: 

* * Never the time and the place 
And the loved one altogether ' ' ? 

She. — I don't see the relevancy of the quota- 



48 ART OF CONVEESATION 

tion. We must go back to the hotel. Our friends 
will miss US. 

He. — But you haven't heard my lesson yet, 
as we used to say in school. I have to recite all 
the golden rules, and add our new one. What 
shall it be? 

She. — Eule Number IX.: One's speech 

SHOULD BE IN HARMONY WITH ONE's SUREOUND- 
INGS. 

He. — In other words, a person should not talk 
about cheese when the moon would be a more fit- 
ting topic. 

She. — Or, when it might be more fitting to 
remain silent. 

He. — Some one has said, ^'Silence is the 
virtue of the feeble, ' ' but it is probably as often 
the virtue of the wise. 

She. — It was Carlyle who said: ^* Consider 
the significance of SILENCE: it is boundless, 
never by meditating to be exhausted, unspeaka- 
bly profitable to thee: Cease that chaotic hub- 
bub, wherein thy own soul runs to waste, to con- 
fused suicidal dislocation and stupor; out of 
Silence comes thy strength. * Speech is silvern. 
Silence is golden; Speech is human, Silence is 
divine.' " 



GOLDEN RULE NUMBER X 

Bo not exaggerate. 

He. — You may remember that one of the ex- 
tracts that I read to you from my note-book 
referred to exaggeration in conversation. Do 
you know, I have been paying attention to this 
fault, and I find that it is decidedly general even 
with people who are supposed to be honest and 
sincere. It is really one phase of falsifying ; in 
my opinion, it is a very disagreeable habit, and 
one that a person should try to rid himself of. 

She. — Parents can not be too careful in the 
bringing up of their children to see that they 
do not form the habit of exaggera^^ yg what they 
undertake to tell. Why! Some persons can 
not make the simplest statement without exag- 
gerating the facts. For instance, if one under- 
takes to give the price of a garment or of some 
furniture, the amount paid is always increased 
in the telling of the story ; and so with the nar- 
ration of trivial events — the speaker will en- 
large his statements until he presents a dis- 

49 



50 ART OF CONVEKSATION 

torted picture to the mental vision of the 
listener. 

The exaggeration of facts should certainly be 
avoided; and a person can overcome this ten- 
dency in himself, if, when he finds that he is 
making a misstatement, he will correct himself, 
and give a trne version. For example, if he 
finds that he is fixing the cost of a possession at 
five dollars, when it should be four dollars and 
fifty cents, he can correct the error without even 
betraying his intention to falsify. By doing 
this, he gradually trains himself to adhere to 
facts ; for, while the price of the article may be 
a matter of small consequence, it is a matter of 
far more importance that the person who has 
the habit shall correct his tendency to misstate 
facts. So again, when one is narrating an inci- 
dent in one's experience, the same strict ad- 
herence to the facts should be observed. In this 
way a person establishes a reputation for ver- 
acity. We all have friends in whose statements 
we place no reliance, simply because we know 
that they invariably exaggerate every fact that 
comes within their observation or experience. I 
know of no fault in conversation that is more 
grievous than this nor that can give one such a 
general air of insincerity in all things. 



TWELVE GOLDEN EULES 51 

He. — I know, I have friends whom I can not 
believe — no matter how serious they are in im- 
pressing upon me, the truth of the information 
that they are so willing to impart. 

She. — Of course, when persons of this kind 
attack the reputation of others then, indeed, 
does their fault become a serious one ; but there 
are many, otherwise well-meaning, persons who 
would not speak ill of another, who place them- 
selves continually at a disadvantage by their 
exaggerated speech. There is the school-girl, 
for example, who finds every person and thing 
perfectly lovely — or perfectly horrid^ as the 
case may be ; who had the most beautiful time in 
her life last night ; who finds her teacher divine; 
tennis, a dream of delight — everything, no mat- 
ter what, is just dandy — or dear. Later in life, 
she may exaggerate as to her husband's income ; 
her children 's virtues or appearance ; the price 
of her garments — and in this way she will 
acquire the unenviable reputation for insin- 
cerity, unreliability. No one will give any 
credence to what she says, simply because she is 
known always to exaggerate the facts. 

He. — I feel as you do, and when I find myself 
enlarging upon the facts, I try immediately to 
correct my fault and adhere to an actual recital. 



52 AKT OF CONVEESATION 

She. — Of course, we know that in telling a 
story for the sake of its humor, a person will 
sometimes lapse into an enlargement of the 
details, but, as Endyard Kipling would say, 
* ' That is another story. ' ' 

He. — Had we not better make this Golden 
Rule Number X.? 

I wonder whether I can recite all the Golden 
Rules : 

Golden Rule Number 1. — Avoid unnecessary 
details, 

2. — Do not ask question number two until 
number one has been answered, nor be too 
curious nor too disinterested; that is, do not ask 
too many questions nor too few. 

3. — Do not interrupt another while he is 
speaking. 

4. — Do not contradict another, especially 
when the subject under discussion is of trivial 
importance. 

5. — Do not do all the talking; give your tired 
listener a chance. 

6. — Be not continually the hero of your own 
story; and, on the other hand, do not leave your 
story without a hero. 

T^^Choose subjects of mutual interest. 



TWELVE GOLDEN RULES 53 

8. — Be a good listener. 

9. — Make your speech in harmony with your 
surroundings. 

10. — Do not exaggerate — our new rule. 



GOLDEN RULE NUMBER XI 

Indulge occasionally in a relevant quotation, 
hut do not garble it. 

He. — I have just been reading a very interest- 
ing article entitled '* Learning by Heart,** and 
I have become impressed with the idea that one 
should occasionally commit to memory inspir- 
ing passages in verse and prose. In the lan- 
guage of the author : * ^ They may come to us in 
our dull moments, to refresh us as with spring 
flowers; in our selfish musings, to win us by 
pure delight from the tyranny of foolish castle- 
building, self-congratulations, and mean anxie- 
ties. They may be with us in the workshop, in 
the crowded streets, by the fireside; sometimes 
on pleasant hill-sides, or by sounding shores; 
noble friends and companions — our own ! never 
intrusive, ever at hand, coming at our call. * * 

She. — Some one has said that an apt quota- 
tion is as good as an original remark. It is cer- 
tainly always relevant. We cannot all be 
Wordsworths or Tennysons ; Charles Lambs or 
Carlyles, but we can make some of their best 

54 



TWELVE GOLDEN EULES 55 

thoughts our own. A conversation or a letter in 
which some choice quotation finds a place, is 
certainly thus improved and lifted above the 
commonplace. It was Johnson who said that 
classical quotation was the parole of literary 
men all over the world. 

He. — For a long time, I have been copying in 
a note-book, extracts that have interested me, 
but it did not occur to me to commit them to 
memory. Hereafter, I shall do so, for I am sure 
that it will add to my resources both in conver- 
sation and in letter-writing. 

She. — Some of the most delightful letters that 
I have ever received have been those in which 
there have been quotations, so relevant, so 
charming that, for the time being, they seemed 
to have been written for me alone. 

He. — I have always hesitated to interpolate 
my conversation or letters with quotations, for 
fear that I might seem to be airing my familiar- 
ity with classical literature. 

She. — ^^Of course, one does not wish to appear 
pedantic; and one will not, if one will use the 
quotation for the occasion, instead of making an 
occasion for the quotation. The proportions, 
too, of a conversation or a letter must be pre- 
served. If one is talking about a commonplace 



^ 



56 ART OF CONVEESATION 

subject, the quotation, if one is made, should be 
in keeping with the thought. As a clever writer 
has said, ^*A dull face invites a dull fate,'' and 
so with a commonplace subject; the treatment 
should be in accordance with it. 

He. — Some persons are never able to quote 
a passage or tell an anecdote without pervert- 
ing the meaning. In fact, I have long been in- 
terested in noticing how inexact the majority 
of people are in making statements of all kinds. 
I can recall several friends who are unreliable 
in what they say. Their statements should be 
^* checked up" — verified, as we say in business. 

She. — As some one has said : * ' A garbled quo- 
tation may be the most effectual perversion of 
an author's meaning; and a partial repre- 
sentation of an incident in a man's life may be 
the most malignant of all calumnies." 

He. — How very relevant that quotation is. 
You have certainly just exemplified your own 
suggestion, namely, that the quotation should be 
used to suit the occasion. 

Shall we make this Golden Eule Number XI. : 
Occasionally indulge in a kelevant quotation, 

BUT do not garble IT ! 

She. — Certainly ; a Golden Rule that it is well 
occasionally to observe. 



GOLDEN RULE NUMBER XII 

Cultivate tact. 

He. — ''Consider the significance of Silence: 
it is boundless, never by meditating to be ex- 
hausted, unspeakably profitable to thee. Cease 
that chaotic hubbub, wherein thy own soul runs 
to waste to confused suicidal dislocation and 
stupor; out of Silence comes thy strength. 
Speech is silvern, silence is golden; speech is 
human, silence is divine. 

She. — And what suggested the lines from 
Carlyle? 

He. — Oh ! I was thinking of one of the extracts 
in my list of quotations relevant to our subject, 
**The Art of Conversation.*^ ''It is when you 
come close to a man in conversation that you 
discover what his real abilities are. ' ' One might 
add, and what they are not. 

She. — And I suppose that the line suggested 
the thought that, in many instances, to quote 
Carlyle again, "Speech is silvern, silence is 
golden ; speech is human, silence is divine. ' ' 

57 



58 ART OF CONVEESATION 

He. — Undoubtedly, in many instances, it 
would be better to preserve a discreet silence 
than to say that which is disagreeable or un- 
truthful. Of course the tactful person can fre- 
quently so turn the conversation as to be obliged 
to adopt neither alternativei 

She. — One should always be truthful, and one 
should never say that which would be displeas- 
ing to the listener, — of course, we must except 
those semi-disagreeable things which we some- 
times feel privileged to say to our relatives or 
our best friends, on the ground that we are 
champions on the side of truth. 

He. — I have always maintained that it is only 
a true friend who will tell the unpleasant home 
truths. 

She. — Yes; we can all remember occasions 
when our expressed resentment at some well- 
meant criticism offered by a member of the fam- 
ily, for example, was met by the rejoinder that 
it was the truth. 

He. — The *^ truth" is not always pleasing to 
the ear, and I agree with you that, except in 
the case of the privileged few, only the pleasing 
things should be told. 

She. — That is all — provided, of course, that 
they are at the same time truthful. 



TWELVE GOLDEN KULES 59 

He. — And if they are not 1 

She. — Then they should be left unsaid, for 
one's speech should never be insincere or flip- 
pant. 

He. — To be told that one is not looking well, 
or is looking ill, or older, as the case may be, is 
certainly not conducive to pleasant feelings on 
the part of the listener. 

She. — Frequently, the person who would not 
be guilty of offenses of this kind, will arrive at 
the same results in an indirect way. For ex- 
ample, A, who may be too polite to tell B that he 
is getting *^ along in years,'* will ask him 
whether the handsome young lady seen in his 
company at the theater the previous evening 
is his daughter, thinking thus to compliment 
him as being the proud parent of so beautiful 
a maiden ; whereas. A, who prides himself upon 
his youthful appearance, and thinks that he is 
** holding his own" against Father Time, fails 
to appreciate the ** would-be" compliment. Mrs. 
C informs Mrs. D that she looks ten years 
younger since becoming so stout, while Mrs. E. 
advises Mrs. F. to buy a hat, as up-to-date 
elderly women no longer wear bonnets ; and so 
on through the alphabet. 

He. — Oh! I suppose it is impossible for peo- 



60 AET OF CONVERSATION 

pie who are so obtuse as these to go through 
the world without blundering at every step. 

She. — I don^t know. It seems to me that 
these unthinking people might be taught to 
think. Surely, we can all learn by observation 
and experience ; and it would seem that persons 
fairly introspective might discover that it is 
not direct speech alone that wounds or offends. 
We all know that the prettiest compliments are 
often those which are implied ; and, conversely, 
sometimes it is the suggestive criticism or cen- 
sure that wounds the most. 

He. — Then we must remember that we should 
keep our minds alert; that we must not be 
found napping; that it is not sufficient that we 
refrain from giving pointed home thrusts, but 
that we should never, even by indirect speech, 
leave with our listener an unpleasant memory. 

She. — Yes ; we meet some people, — often only 
for a moment, — only once, perhaps, in a life- 
time; but it is possible, in many instances, to 
make that moment linger forever as a pleasant 
memory to that other. We can all remember 
some occasion when there was merely a hand- 
clasp, when but few words were spoken, but the 
memory is ours forever. Something that was 
said, perhaps, seemingly trivial, but glorified 



TWELVE GOLDEN RULES 61 

by the speaker's smile, by the sincerity of his 
heart. 

He. — After all, to sum it up, it is the word 
T-A-C-T, or the lack of it, that makes a person 
correspondingly agreeable or disagreeable in 
his social intercourse with another. Someone 
has defined tact as the art of pleasing, and so I 
should think we might add this mandate to our 
golden rules — Cidtivate the art of pleasing, — 
say the right thing or say nothing. 

Now, I am going to recite all our golden rules, 
for I know them by heart : 

Golden Eule Number 1. — Avoid unnecessary 
details. 

2. — Do not ash question number two until 
number one has been answered; nor be too curi- 
ous and, too disinterested; that is do not ask too 
many questions nor too few. 

3. — Do not interrupt another while he is 
speaking. 

4. — Do not contradict another, especially 
ivhen the subject under discussion is of trivial 
importance. 

5. — Do not do all the talking; give your tired 
listener a chance. 

6. — Be not continually the hero of your own 



,^ 



^ 






62 AET OF CONVEESATION U 

story; nor, on the other hand, do not leave your 
story without a hero, 

7. — Choose subjects of mutual interest. 

8.— Be a good listener. 

9. — Mahe your speech in harmony with your 
surroundings. 

10. — Do not exaggerate. 

11. — Indulge occasionally in a relevant quo- 
tation, hut do not garble it. 

12. — Cultivate tact — our new rule. 




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